5 types of relationships for those who are not suitable for monogamy

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5 types of relationships for those who are not suitable for monogamy

There is a stereotype that stable relationships and love affairs are possible only in a monogamous couple. In the 21st century, alternative family options have appeared. They are no longer based on male-female pairs.

And it’s not about unconventionally oriented people at all, but about those who prefer loyalty and stability, family values. But he looks at this question differently.

Historians and psychologists also believe that the traditional family is a social structure that gained relevance in the era of hunting and gathering. But in human nature there is a desire to spread their genes, so there can be many partners. This is biologically necessary for the sake of genetic diversity and the enhancement of the human species.

In animals, relationships are also not concentrated only on reproduction. All living things need partner support – one is caring for the babies, the other is looking for building materials for a house or nest. There are species that converge in pairs for a certain period and diverge, but swans, on the contrary, are faithful to each other all their lives.

In the life of people, everything is ambiguous. R. Martin’s book “The Evolution and Future of Human Reproductive Behavior” raises the question of how people are naturally polygamous and monogamous. A person is a biosocial being, his desires are a complex tangle of tasks and needs, temperament, emotions, culture, upbringing, moral attitudes.

If monogamy suits one, it will make the other unhappy, and vice versa. A person must understand how he himself wants to build relationships. Several variants of alternative alliances have gained popularity. Everything can be tried in practice. The choice is based on personal desire. Of course, by mutual agreement of all interested parties.

Polygamous lifestyle

A polygamous person enters into a relationship with several partners at the same time. Polygamy and polygyny (polygyny) have been practiced for a long time among different peoples. For example, among Muslims, African and Indian tribes, Nepalese Tibetans, and other national minorities. This option does not equal adultery, when one of the partners has an outside, secret family. Yes, you can have many wives or husbands like Mormons. But this does not make life easy and carefree.

Polygamy is always open and socially regulated, approved at the legislative and public level. Cheating is also not welcome here and is even punishable. A large number of wives means a large number of responsibilities. The condition for marriage is wealth, because you need to provide for a large family.

The emergence of polygamy is associated with a religious and national order. Also, if a person intends to marry, he considers himself to be a religious group. If we are talking about a secular relationship, a romantic relationship, then it all comes down to polyamory or an open form of family.


The idea of ​​an “ideal partner” is widespread in society. Many people dream of finding perfect love. The search for such an ideal partner leads to a cyclical nature: “falling in love – relationship – parting.” If a second partner or beloved object appears, then this is a sign of a crisis in the relationship, a collapse of trust, suffering and lies. But there is another concept: is it worth suffering and parting if you love several people?

Polyamory is a new trend that is gaining momentum. Supporters of this style of relationship believe that it is normal and legal to love more than one partner. But there is one condition: transparency of the relationship.

All participants in the “triangle”, “square”, “polygon” must know about each other and approve of the connection. The behavior of a polyamorous person cannot be treason, he informs his partner in advance about the presence of interest in another object.

Usually, more than two people are involved in polyamorous relationships. New variables appear in the relationship; “exclusivity” is no longer closed in two. But the type of connection depends on the specific case. Partner A may be related to B and C, and B and C are not related (especially if they are of the same sex). But everyone knows about each other’s existence, or B and C have their partners.

There are many options for relationships, but the main principle is that the participants are aware of each other. Sexual orientation can also be different here, but there are many polyamorous heterosexuals.

Open relationship

If two people are in a relationship, remain a couple, they can allow sex with others on the side. The difference from polyamory is the presence of the main pair. All polyamors are equal, there is a basic pair. Also, love and romantic relationships are possible only with a couple, the rest of the connections are fleeting or frivolous hobbies. Other partners may not know about each other.

Also, an open type of relationship arises at the stage of grinding in to each other, when partners are still “testing” their connection, finding out points of contact and common tastes. After several years of open relationships, a couple may go into monogamy.

Or, conversely, after isolation on each other, they move on to open relationships. Priority is emotional attachment and family values. If the marriage has passed the test of an open relationship, then the intimacy between partners has reached a certain level.

Privileged friendship

In the original, this phenomenon sounds like “friendship with benefits”, in other words – “extended friendship”, sex with a friend or close friend. There is no particular romance here, no family is expected. It’s about bonding good friends who just decide to have sex. Friends often agree on intimacy for a period of “no fish”, with humor or simply on the basis of trust and understanding.

It can be a relationship without commitment. But they do not cancel the principles of friendship: honesty, sincerity, support, trust. The sexual element is added, basically the context of friendship is preserved, certain boundaries are built.

If the partner-friends have families, then the boundaries are especially respected. The risk is in the emotional reaction, attachment of one of the participants in the relationship. Friendship is at risk and is heavily tested. If love is born, tragedy can happen, but the format implies that there will be only sex and nothing more.

It happens that friends even have children among themselves, bring them up one by one. But there is no goal of starting a family, or the relationship does not grow into something more.


Solo life is not just loneliness, but a type of personal relationship. Loneliness has a bad reputation. More and more people are choosing this lifestyle. The argument in favor of solo existence is that you can be lonely even in a family, with a bunch of partners. However, a loner has a lot of time and energy for creativity, self-development, career, freedom and space to move around the world.

All resources, space and time belong to only one person. Sexual relationships, as well as emotional ones, are possible, but mostly solo-oriented people live alone and do not want to change their lifestyle to marriage or polygamy. The typical marriage problems do not arise here.

But there is a main point that prevents you from receiving joy from loneliness and freedom. It is the social prejudice that marks all single people as losers. But globalization leaves an imprint on society, many are disappointed in love, traumatized, or simply learned to live in harmony with themselves. Therefore, loyalty to singles grows day by day.  

It’s just that a person refuses to set up to find someone, to build relationships. If a couple is not found, this is not a tragedy. Loneliness is not synonymous with social anxiety, asexuality, or some kind of deviation. Often this choice comes from personal considerations after bad experiences, but not necessarily.  

There are cases when people have formalized their marriage to themselves. This option is legally allowed . Cases are recorded in states with certain legislation. Such cases become a news sensation and are discussed as a curiosity. But still, something encourages people to take this step. For some, this is shocking, a way to declare their principles.    

Others see no other way for themselves and their personal lives. Singles can date, have sex, and have children, but they don’t make it an end in itself to start a family. You need to warn your partners about your attitude so as not to hurt someone’s heart.  


As a result, we can say that in a traditional monogamous marriage, the light did not come together like a wedge. There are alternative options for self-realization in a relationship. They can bring happiness and harmony to everyone who is interested. And they were conscious, voluntary and full of love. But it is important to be aware of how much you have enough resources – emotional and material – for a particular type of relationship.

Scientists believe that the degree of mogonamy or polygamy depends on the person. Genes, cultural background, preferences and tastes all influence. Do not confuse polygamy or polyamory with promiscuity and promiscuity. However, they note that in metropolitan areas, where same-sex marriages or non-standard types of relationships are more common, people are influenced by such examples.

Simply put, they mark a new trend, become interested, and discover other forms of relationship. Not everyone can bring them to life. This requires personal interest, the consent of partners, as well as resources, conditions.

The question is different. How mature and responsible are you and your potential partners? Society is generally quite patriarchal, so you should not expect approval for such forms of relationship. Basically, these forms are common in large cities and developed countries, where the economic aspect affects all spheres of life.

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