How to relax in nature with a woman?

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How to relax in nature with a woman?

Women! This is not for you. Fight from the page!
Oh, stay? Well read, dream …

Guys! Spring is just around the corner. It’s time to think about our future victories and identify potential friends. And a little freeze, conduct reconnaissance on the ground. In the spring, do not drive, but it will be too late.

We are aesthetes and sybarites with you, so pasta with margarine – just to stuff your belly – this is not our element. Our element is low-smoked salmon, fresh, with thin-thin plastics … The young pork kebab is juicy, soaked in white wine, nibbled, sprinkled with onion and parsley. (Neatly so-so lies on a plate, next to french fries and salted cucumber.) There is also a minusinski tomato, with marble veins, erotically cut into four pieces, whole diamonds in coarse salt. Ham … mmm … home-made ham, with a tear, pale pink. It melts in your mouth. And the radish is large, wet, red-white, sexy. Fuck her! Khrush-Khrush! And right after        – a piece of barbecue. And a sip of cold Cabernet, vintage, to drink. And repeat: kebab – r-time! – radish – hrush! Shish kebab – after. Vincze – Bulka. Tomato – umm … Vintso … salmon … olive … And then in a chaise lounge ra-ah-to-tumble. And light a pipe. With Dutch tobacco, fragrant. And apricot liquor drink this thing.      

Take a breath and look around finally. And what kind of miracle is long-legged, white, fluffy, in shorts, in bulges, in lipstick, swarming around the table, tidying out of habit, purrs under his nose? Bah! Female. Come here, my sweet … No, why in the car? Right here on the grass. Oh, our sins are grave, forgive us, Lord, gluttony and adultery …

No, you don’t think that we are such dogmatic aesthetes and a piece of simple bacon with onion, black bread and cold “Smirnoff” cold fish in our throats will not get into our throats. If out of place – why not? We do not deny peasant and healthy food. As well as from spontaneous, fast, greedy sex. But you must admit: when everything is beautiful – it’s … good! And in cooking, and in love. And one cannot be imagined without the other.   

Sex and food. Food and sex. Wine and women. Roasted meat and live flesh. Strawberries with cream. Orgasm in bed and pineapple in champagne. Inextricable eternal symbols of pleasure …

The topic is inexhaustible. Do we eat in order to live (hmm, looking with whom), or do we live in order to eat? And so, and so …

Another variant. Awesome woman, but with a child. Well, okay, We must invite her to the shore of a lake or river With a child. This will immediately bribe her.

A place to choose a tall, open, overlooking stunning, green grass. Surely she thinks: now he will make a fire, he will lay a dirty little bedspread, he will burn kebabs, he will take a hundred grams and begin to hang noodles on his ears. Like all men. What else can they do? Glasses – disposable, snack – on the newspaper, sex – quick. Yeah. No matter how. We get from the trunk a folding table and chairs, a starchy white tablecloth and the same napkins     

As a hot snack we serve, for example, chicken julienne with champignons – it is cooked at home, here it can only be warmed up. Mititei – spicy sausages from ground beef – fry on a wire rack and lay with a colorful garnish on large porcelain (!) Plates. Amazing baked eggplant salad with cheese and nuts. Pour white and red wine (“Abrau-Riesling” and “Beaujolais”) into thin glasses. And serve melon just like that. Talk only about food and poetry. And no, even the most subtle, hints about “this very” should not be allowed.    

Everything is like in a foreign movie. She will be killed on the spot, and she can be taken with her bare hands even now. And the boy will be delighted with the “uncle” that he will position her completely. And the continuation of the next day, at home, in private … 

Guys! Learn to cook. And preferably – better than a woman. This is our extra weapon. Not the main thing, of course, but very significant, only a complete feminist can resist. 

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