Sex after forty? Why not?
“We are not aging because we are aging,
but because we cease to love early.”
We say to each other: you have to live while you are young, when the fortieth knocks – you want, but you can’t. Well, it will not be possible after forty – it is indecent! There are our mothers and fathers, much less grandparents, having reached maturity and having raised their grandchildren, they themselves lived as if in holy chastity, and they told us. “There is no sex in the USSR!” Is the unshakable moral principle of several generations of the Soviet people. But the sexual revolution, from behind the iron curtain, nevertheless leaked to us with a silent glanders … And we, to be honest, understood, loved and respected sex, despite the harsh Soviet education. Sex has gone underground.
Nowadays, not only young people, but also pensioners are ready to discuss their sexual problems for hours, because (who would argue!) The right sex is the basis of a healthy lifestyle, mental balance, longevity and an indicator of an individual’s success in his social and personal plan. Any man longs to be proud of his sexual strength until old age, and which woman, even after becoming a grandmother, does not want to feel attractive, desirable and loved, as in her youth?
But divorce statistics say that the majority of those who break up marriage are people over the age of forty. Meticulous sociologists can even figure out how many percent of couples get divorced due to sexual problems, including the actual cessation of sexual intercourse between spouses. Probably, the lack of sexual relations in a long-term marriage indicates that the sexual culture of older people is below the plinth.
Over many 40-50-60 year olds are dominated by the remnants of Puritan education received in the parental family. Like their parents, they also think that at the age of 40, carnal joys, love games, marital sex are debauchery that decent people do not allow themselves. And as a pattern – mutual cooling, boredom, routine … Men, as less tied up by a house, often rush in search of adventure and make young lovers. They still want to live for themselves. And a woman in her 40s is often registered as an old woman: adult children, grandchildren, colleagues, neighbors – in their eyes she must look sinless and … sexless. Age, you see …
Well, is it not strange that among 40-60-year-olds there are so many dissatisfied with life, bile, squabble, scandalous, hysterical, drinkers, people who have gone down? Sexual dissatisfaction devastates spiritually, and even keeping the family “for the sake of appearance”, the spouses do not experience anything other than domestic obligations, stamped in their passports. It’s sad, but it happens that, not having sexual detente, spouses pour out their emotions in a negative form: reproaches, cursing, insults, assault … But if one of the spouses wants the relationship to become more calm, warm, trusting, close, then he will be able to “wake up” another, more cold-blooded and indifferent. How so?
And so: try to become for each other not disgusted husband and wife, but … lovers! In our Russian mentality, the words “husband” and “wife” are completely opposite in emotional terms to the words “lover, lover”. Check your associations. “Spouses, husband, wife” in the minds of the majority are associated with concepts such as reliability, solidity, security, duty and responsibility. “Lover, lover” carry excitement, charm, passion, romance, play, pleasure and, of course , love.
Of course, family people feel the need for stability in their long-term relationships. But if only this remains in family life, your relationship can be arbitrarily stable, but at the same time unbearably gray and boring. Have you long been accustomed to consider each other as something like home furniture? Then it’s not surprising that sex is an inappropriate and unnecessary whim for you .
In addition to stability, romance and excitement are needed, which are present in the relationship of lovers. Discuss with your partner how to bring back the excitement and excitement that probably accompanied the beginning of your relationship. Surely you will need not only words for this – let your tenderness be shown in caresses, hugs and kisses, especially in those moments when you are not going to make love.
Remember the period of the beginning of your acquaintance and courtship. Go to a dance in the club “For someone …”, in a restaurant, in a movie or in a theater. Think of the flowers and small gifts that express your love so well. For the manifestation of feelings you do not have to wait for a special occasion or birthday.
Another important point is the taboo for evening TV viewing. Nothing makes life so empty and boring as the nightly vigil in front of the TV. Late programs, after which there is not only strength, but even thoughts about sex, have a particularly devastating effect on love relationships. But for many couples sexually aroused helps to joint viewing of porn or erotica.
In order for your efforts to restore love relationships to succeed, recognize their priority over your daily activities, whether it is cooking, weeding a summer cottage or working on documents that you took home from the office. Do not let these chores, which may well wait, violate your love plans. You lose a lot if you think that bedding is only for warming up before sex. Before you fall asleep, devote some time — maybe just a minute or two — to expressing your tender affection for a partner. Such nightly hugs do not necessarily serve to increase the frequency of sexual intercourse, it just allows you to feel loving and loved.
Allow yourself to respond to partner’s extracurricular offerings to make love. Even if you did not expect this at all and planned to spend your time in a different way – do not respond with automatic refusal. Break the habit of mechanically saying no in response to a love call. Remember your young years when you were ready to have sex at any time and without leaving your place. Try it, you will like it! Sex is very much like a game. Allow yourself to laugh, fool around, have fun. Let smiles, gentle touches, passionate hugs, hot kisses and crazy caresses return to your daily life! And let the younger ones envy you: “How old are they together – and are still crazy about each other!”