Cheating: is it worth giving sex to the wrong partner?

The world is designed so that very few couples manage to avoid betrayal. This blow falls on someone suddenly and knocks the soil out from under the legs, paralyzing the will. Others simply shrug: well, it happened and happened, with whom it does not happen. Ideal men, like ideal women, are found only in beautiful novels.

Of course, many women, linking their fate with the one and only, believe in the fact that they will pass the cup to be deceived. Something like that in relation to their women and men, however, in their hearts some of them are ready to “forgive” themselves light pranks on the side. Justifying all this “call of the flesh”, the desire for novelty and other “excuses.” Nature, as if in a mockery of the beautiful half of humanity, made it so that during sex with a familiar partner, a man dumps about 300 million sperm into it, while about 600 million into a new girlfriend . 

And although they say that the deceived wife finds out about everything last, and the husband is for some time in the happy conviction that the missus does not know anything, but you cannot conceal the sewing in the bag. Someday even the most secret becomes apparent.

But until this happens, the vast majority of men believe that the most “masking” way to hide infidelity is sex with a cheated spouse. Perhaps Don Juan are experiencing some kind of certain discomfort, but try not to show: the spouse must be sure that she is the only one in the world.

So, he pesters with his sexual harassment, and you already know that he is cheating on you with someone: it doesn’t matter, with a young girl or wise experience of a “predator”. What to do in this case? Show him a fig, going into another room at night and defiantly deny him access to the body, or pretend that you have no idea and give in to “Komsomol enthusiasm” with sensual desires?  

Surprisingly, much in the strength of the reaction depends on the woman’s age and the period that she lived with this particular man. American sex therapists, who seek to decompose the institution of marriage into “atoms”, once asked the respondents the question: ” Will you break off relations with a man when he knows that he is cheating on you?” Women under 30 years old turned out to be the most “intolerant”. 9 out of 20 American women in this age range “said a solid no! That is, under no circumstances agreed to continue relations with this man!  

But the percentage of “intolerant” among those who were from 30 to 40 years old, decreased slightly. Only four women of ten were ready to show the cheater on the door! 40–50-year-old women were ready to forgive the “womanizer” already in 72% of cases, and 60-year-olds even resigned themselves to deceit – only one out of ten women was ready to part with those whom they so blindly trusted. 

But is there anything particularly surprising about this? Probably not. At 25 and 30 years old, there is an underlying belief that “a holy place cannot be empty”, you only need to survive the pain of treason today, and then you will meet a man who will be faithful in his grave! Now, when, having burned yourself in milk, you will blow into the water! 

At 50 and 60 years of age, such confidence is pretty much undermined. And not everyone believes in the “best, of course, ahead”. And maximalists to be at that age dearer to themselves, sometimes there will be no one to give water to in old age! 

But this is in the Western world, where both women and men live by the principle: no one owes anything to anyone. In our country , in Eastern Europe, the sense of ownership is much stronger. “Do not touch him, do not touch the stranger!” – and that’s it!  

Before answering the main question of today’s topic, I want to outline the most dangerous terms of life together from the point of view of psychologists. The first danger for a lasting marriage arises during the pregnancy of the wife, when some strong in essence, but weak in content, life companions begin to rediscover to the left. But the successful resolution of a woman from the burden does not alleviate the problems – the newly born child decisively regains living space near her mother, displacing her father from him. So the first dangerous age falls precisely on this period. And no matter how many years have passed since the wedding or from the beginning of cohabitation. On average , from one and a half to three to four years.    

The second crisis age falls on the seventh year of marriage, when most couples have a second child. It seems to be hardening, but the mother most often takes care of the younger, and the father remains the eldest, who is terribly jealous of the parents for the baby. 

The last danger lies in wait for the couple “twenty years later.” It was not for nothing that Yuri Antonov focused his attention on this age. The reason is that the declining sexual function of a man is very scary for him. And in order to prove to himself that he is still “oh- hoo ” and “hoo-hoo”, this, by no means a gelding, begins to prank before the girls with legs like a heron! Youth is leaving, but what’s behind? Yes, the wife, like a faithful Penelope, contains a family hearth in moral purity and order. But how do you want to make sure that this man can also be successful with young girls! 

But here are alarming statistics: the proportion of male cheaters over the past quarter century remains unchanged, but the number of women is constantly growing. And what can I say? For that fought for it and ran…

However, let us return directly to the issue of sex. Is it worth it to defile yourself with someone who defiled the conjugal bed? Do not rush to say no. It often happens that cheating lies in wait for a woman at the peak of love! Pushing a man away from you, you will almost certainly lose him, and he will go hand in hand like a baton. And so there is a chance that after some time he will “ferment” and understand that he would not find a better woman! 

I carefully observe the lives of people who turn to me for help. Some of them, contrary to all advice, get divorced from husbands and wives. Marry and marry a second time, a third. But I noticed that most men, after decades, admit: no matter how many women I have, I’ve never met anyone better than my first (second) wife. But the bridges are already burnt. So both are tormented: because by the middle, and especially the older age, the woman also understands that cheating is a product created by the relationship of two.   

And the “victim complex” is a crooked mirror. You will never see a beautiful picture in it!