Sexual aversion: what is the danger of this sexual diversion?

There is a saying: love is evil – you will love a goat! But no matter what the goat – shaggy, horned or peppy – he really wants love! And he, poor fellow, cannot read on your forehead what awaits him in the future, otherwise he would have run away – only hooves flickered.      

… One day, an anxious woman came to my appointment. Every now and then brought the handkerchief to her eyes. Her story was inconsistent and very emotional.

They met with their future husband in his golden student years. Before that, it seemed to her that she was very awkward, somewhat angular, and that no self-respecting guy would look in her direction.

But their group was sent “for potatoes,” which they on the very first day noted with a whole battery of bottles of cheap wine. And then, almost like a classic, “mixed in a bunch of hands, chest.” In a heavy half-nap, she suddenly felt someone’s impatient palms rummaging through her body, tearing her underwear off her, and then – a sharp pain and a memory lapse.  

In the morning she was terribly ashamed. It seemed to her that absolutely everyone had witnessed how absurdly she had lost her virginity. That they would make her laugh, if only because she didn’t even know which of their entire group became her first man. Therefore, she jumped out of the tent at dawn, quickly ran to the river, washed clothes from blood stains. 

She no longer hoped that someone would admit to this terrible crime, and resigned herself to the fact that she would never know her rapist. In the end, there was her fault in what happened: no one forced her to get drunk to the point of complete insanity. But in the evening one of the most awkward “nerds” approached her – Leshka – and sarcastically inquired: how, well, did you feel good?  

In response, he received a resounding slap in the face, but this already absolutely could not change anything. Once she was enough to get pregnant. She found out that this happened three weeks later, when she tried in vain to wait for her period.

She confessed to her mother in everything, however, hiding the circumstances of her conception. But her mother did not seem to be interested in these details, she only asked: “Where can I find this goat?”

“Goat” did not begin to unlock. Yes, it didn’t even occur to him: the feeling of guilt did not give him rest. In general, three months later they got married.

She stood “on the rushnyks” in the registry office and thought painfully, looking at her groom, if she could ever forgive and fall in love with this man. He was, and remained a stranger. And when the guests at the registration demanded: “Bitter!” She almost felt sick when he reached for her lips. However, she attributed all this to early toxicosis. 

On their first wedding night, he was so chopped up that all his attempts to seize it as his new status did not end in success. Perhaps everything would have been different if she had shown at least some semblance of interest. But she was cold as a stone; she couldn’t forgive him. And when he puffed and tried, all this caused the same wave of disgust as there, in the registry office.  

They carried out the following “full-fledged” love act when their son was one year old. Lesha was again a pretty fool of joy. The son allowed him to find a much higher position in the eyes of fellow students. They can “dog” in hostels, he is already a father! 

In the next one and a half decades, their proximity occurred no more than 10−12 times. In this case, according to the same scenario. He celebrated his son’s birthday, got drunk and rudely molested her. Sometimes he succeeded, sometimes not, which made him incredibly angry. It is each time shaking the approach of the “joyous” day, to her husband, she felt almost animal aversion.  

The idea of ​​divorce did not occur to her or him: they loved his son very much and could not imagine how he could be left without a mother or father. And the fact that they had accumulated almost insoluble problems in the sexual sphere was attributed to the fact that both pulled out an “unhappy” ticket. In the end, this misfortune nearly ruined their family life …

There is sexual aversion, one of the most severe types of dysfunction. The next time they came together, I explained to them that the treatment would be lengthy and would require considerable effort, especially from them. Indeed, the “style” of their behavior in bed may well be “inherited” by their son, and it is naive to assume that this stereotype can be hidden. Murder will out. The likelihood that he will have certain problems in the sexual sphere is markedly increased.

How often do such “violations” occur? Famous American sexologists William Masters and Virginia Johnson noted that from 1972 to 1985, 164 patients with sexual aversia applied to their institute. Sexologists have classified the causes of the disease. The most frequent “trigger” was a sharply negative attitude of parents to sex. In the second place there was a sexual trauma in the past (rape, incest, harassment by father, stepfather, stepmother). Next, there was constant sexual pressure from the partner and a violation of sexual identity in men.

But these are, so to speak, global reasons. Most often, the factors for “rejection” are the unpleasant smell of the partner, the state of intoxication, rudeness, utter indifference to the partner’s desire, constant bullying, ridicule, certain perversions of the sexual sphere.

The saddest thing is that in 55% of cases, aversion develops after the onset of sexual life, and moreover it “accumulates” over several months. But it can “wedge” for any period of time, usually for a year or two (during this time the disease can be cured) or , as in the case I have described, for decades. 

So, what needs to be done so that your child does not develop an aversion over time? Firstly, do not make something dirty out of sex , do not produce myths that only bad people do it. 

Secondly, protect the child from psychological injuries associated with voluntary or involuntary contact with adult sexual relations. Even voluptuous screams and an unnatural pose can quite frighten a small person for life. 

And, finally, prepare your child for the future family life without transferring this honorable duty to the shoulders of uninformed friends and girlfriends or the streets. 

… With our patient and her husband, we were able to establish a complete understanding, which allowed us to move the treatment off the ground. I advised them to treat each other more carefully, cross out everything that was before and start life from a new sheet. And he asked never to come closer to each other after taking alcohol. Over time, they all worked out. For a happy end, they do not have enough to give birth to another child. They’re just thinking about it …