I’m afraid to approach the girl. How to Get Rid of Fear?
If your knees are shaking when you are about to do something important for yourself, this is normal. Another question is how you interact with this fear. You take an action contrary to him, or avoid such situations so as not to experience discomfort in the future. I’m afraid to approach a girl – is that what you think? Then let’s figure it out.
Classification of fears
Let’s start by separating fears and phobias. Phobias are not cured by training or willpower. With phobias, you need to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist or work them out with personal practices. Another thing is fear.
Fears are often associated with evaluating the result of your actions. Many guys are afraid to approach girls, touch them or invite them to their house, or seem intrusive, just because they have had an experience in their life when they were judged for showing their “I”.
Accordingly, there are 2 feelings that go hand in hand in this process – shame and guilt. Parents usually shame, and society carefully cultivates the feeling of guilt. Therefore, if you need a deep study of fears, then you need to go and do therapy, remove the feeling of guilt and shame for possible, not yet committed actions.
To better understand how fears manifest themselves in communication with girls, I will give an example. Let’s say you’re sitting in a restaurant and you see some beautiful girl, or even more than one. Girls sit, smoke a hookah and look into your eyes. You experience fear, which begins to whisper some thoughts to you: “They are too cool for me … I don’t have enough money to call them somewhere … I don’t know what to say to them … I don’t know where to take them … I’m afraid to approach to the girl.” In this way, you rationalize the stiffness and feeling of physical heaviness in your chest, stomach, arms or head, and explain this to yourself with some clear and precise thought that devalues your future actions so that you are not ashamed. Because if you refuse, you can begin to feel shame or guilt and think that you are somehow not like that, because everyone gets to know each other correctly, and you get to know each other wrong.
Fear can even be felt as physical cold or hot. Unfortunately, it is impossible to get rid of it without trying to cross the border of fear. Be sure to take some action and move towards fear at least in small steps. And be sure to connect some practices – work with a therapist, the New NLP code that we give at the training, yoga or any cyclic sport that allows you to start certain processes in the brain, similar to meditation.
Accordingly, you made an approach to the girl, you were very scared, you blushed, turned pale, you were sent, and you left. Then work through the situation with the help of the New NLP Code and next time it will be 5 times easier for you. You will approach again and, perhaps, they will send you again, but already at a new stage.
Also a great tool when dealing with fears is to break the scary target into smaller components: first you say: “Hello.” Then: “Hello, my name is Timur.” Further: “Hi, my name is Timur, you are beautiful.” Each time you make your way further and further and eventually make compound sentences with isolated adverbial phrases and you are not sent. Because the further you get, the less excitement there is, simply because you constantly practice and work through your fears.
The main thing is to move gradually. Challenge yourself to come up and say “Hello” and ask any social question. When you do this 10 times, it turns out that the girls do not bite your head off, and some even show interest in you, stop, look into your eyes, smile and answer the question. When you do 10 more approaches, you will see that some girls answer you in detail and spend their time on you. And your self-confidence gets a little more. Because you don’t have any incredible expectations from your first approach and social question, and in case you don’t get an answer or get a sparing answer, you won’t get too upset. Thus, you gradually increase your self-confidence. This is how fear processing works.
I’m afraid to approach the girl. Epilogue
I hope you understand that if you are still afraid to even look girls in the eyes, then after 2 weeks of practice you are unlikely to start taking porn models to your home on a minibus . First, learn how to approach ordinary girls and see that the excitement goes away with each time. At the same time, nothing will come of it without practice. You can want something very badly, but do nothing, and then the fear will remain.
The basic idea –
if you intend to grow, then when you meet fear, be sure to take a step towards it. But do it gradually, because if you immediately set a high bar and do not take it, then you can cool off and stop trying.
That is why, when working through fear, the level of discomfort should be acceptable. Take a step forward not through super effort , but when he only slightly presses you down. At the same time, work on your inner state in order to get acquainted with girls not with the thought – “I’m afraid, but I will”, but with the thought – “I like to communicate with beautiful girls and enjoy communication regardless of the result.”
And for this you need to do not just stupid approaches, but certain practices for working out the internal state, which allow you to enjoy the process itself. At the trainings at the Men’s School, we work with a whole range of such practices and tools.
At the end of the article, as an example, I will tell one real story. Once, a client came to me for personal training, whom we will conditionally call Timur. And the first block of training we had was meeting girls. We went with him to the streets, to shopping centers, cafes, restaurants, and he got to know each other very well. He did it absolutely fearlessly and was not afraid of anything. I thought I was very lucky to have such a student and sent him to very beautiful girls. He returned crazed, with burning eyes and the beauty’s phone number.
After a week of classes, we summed up the dating block. Timur was pleased, but before the next block, he asked for a break for two weeks to have an operation on his eyes, as he had minus 8 on one and minus 9 on the other.
The operation was successful. But as soon as Timur returned, he categorically stopped approaching the girls. He began to see very well and began to be afraid of them already from afar. Before, when approaching, he simply did not understand how beautiful the girl was. He got to know each other well, made an impression and took the phone. Stupidly did what I said and was pleased. And only after the operation did he realize what he was doing. The thought “I’m afraid to approach a girl” took on a clear shape for him.
In the end, we continued our studies, started all over again, and since he came with the goal of finding a wife, he found her. She was a champion in one of the Olympic sports and eventually became a famous model. Later, she bore him a son, and now he is a contented and caring husband and father.
So the next time fear makes you step back from your dreams, and the thought “I’m afraid to approach a girl” will be in your head , think about what is important to you and just take a small step forward.