I don’t have a girlfriend, what should I do?
Let’s say you are an ordinary guy, not a hero or a villain, and you have not had a girlfriend for a long time. At the same time, you are yearning and really want a relationship, but all your attempts to create them end in failure. What to do in this critical situation for your psyche? Where to find the lever that will turn your current position in a more attractive direction for you?
Let’s take a general look at your approach to life and your ways of dealing with such problems. Perhaps you are in a kind of trap of your lifestyle and thoughts that your parents, society and environment broadcast to you. Often, in our society, this approach is adopted – you get to know acquaintances of acquaintances, either at work or in communities of interest. Intuitively, it seems that this is correct: since you move in certain circles, then you should find the girl here. But this is a completely wrong approach.
Perhaps the girls who are in your environment like a completely different type of guys. Let’s say you are interested in Romano-Germanic philology, and girls with the same interest may like athletes who are not interested in philology at all. In addition, you can be older or younger, too simple or too smart, not athletic enough or too pumped up for the girls in your party. And this does not mean at all that you are not good enough, and you need to change. Sometimes it’s enough just to push yourself into a new environment and the problem of “no girl” will be solved by itself.
The need to expand the environment can cause internal resistance. After all, you have to change your lifestyle for the sake of some distant and unknown to you spherical woman in a vacuum. At the same time, sometimes you need to give up drinking with friends for the sake of going to the opening of an exhibition of modernists, or to deprive yourself of the joy of visiting your favorite chess club for the sake of strip plastic lessons …
One of the ways to push yourself to look for something new is to create a vacuum by removing from your life all the old toxic relationships that do not develop you in any way, do not bring joy and only pull you into a swamp. In toxic relationships, you can be held back by friends with whom you have nothing but empty talk and alcohol, people who use your resources and skills without giving anything in return, and, sadly, parents.
90% of guys who haven’t built a relationship by 25, 30, 40 often have a strong attachment to their parents. They spend all their free time with them, look back at their opinion when making any decision, do not take a step without their approval and, as a rule, live together. After that, the question arises that there is no girl.
Loving your parents is good and right, spending some time with them is also good, but being dependent on them and not having your own opinion is a disaster. If you are ready for changes, ready to take responsibility for your life, then, despite the fact that you are paying with discomfort now, in the future you will receive a worthy reward. True friends and parents resist a little , but in the end they will always understand and support.
The next step in expanding your social circle is to go to any training or courses. It could be relationship courses, public speaking, dancing, yoga, cooking, knitting, and whatever else comes to your mind. So, gradually you will begin to fill your life with new people. There will be new friends and new parties, common birthdays, cute girlfriends of friends and more.
By talking with more girls, you will become more relaxed and will be able to choose. You will understand that, it turns out, you can date girls and not feel guilty, enjoy relationships and understand that someone loves you just because you are cool, and not because you are rich or can fix a computer .
Gradually your mentality will change. You will begin to communicate differently with people, and you will have completely different preferences. You will realize that you are having a great time and building relationships because you want it, and not because “mom said it was time.”
I don’t have a girlfriend. Epilogue
It is very important at the same time to treat every girl that appears on your horizon not as a last hope , but as a potential version . Overestimating its importance, you can lose self-respect. The girls feel it. To have a great fulfilling relationship, always remember that if the relationship doesn’t make you happy, you can always try something else. It is important to understand that you did not choose her because she is your last chance, and she chose you not because you are the only one who paid attention to her, but because you give value to each other. And then this relationship can develop into something real, important and absolutely amazing.