Not having time to have sex?

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Not having time to have sex?

No panic! The latest manuals of sexologists are full of tips for people who can not find time for “this.” But who now has time even to read books about sex? To save your energy, Lucy Mangan flips through “Mating in Captivity” and other treatises, selecting the best recommendations. 

The author of “Kama Sutra” could blissfully rely on the fact that his audience would have enough time and money to start installing a system of ropes and balances, without which you wouldn’t give your partner the pose “Crippled Starfish on a Peg”. But alas, times have changed. The latest fashion among book publishers, spreading faster than chlamydia in a co-educational school for boys and girls, is sexology guides for people who don’t have much time for “this.”  

If you believe the “Urban Tantra”, “Mating in captivity” and “Whip up: sex for busy people”, the frantic pace of modern life affects our desire to indulge in carnal pleasures, and we should find new ways to overcome sexual apathy. But, of course, who now has time to master a whole book on this subject? Fortunately, the Guardian is able to offer you the 10 best recommendations, selected from the latest literature. 

1. Make friends with technology

Mobile phones and e-mail can disconnect us so that all eroticism disappears from the relationship, but they can also provide us with valuable services in our intimate life. Tracy Cox in the whip-up treatise advises sending sweet and hot sms to your sweetheart / sweetheart all day so that when you finally crawl to the door of the house, you will turn into a puffing languid personification of hot passion. Remember, however, that sms sex is only effective if the abbreviations you use remain understandable. Nothing undermines the erotic mood as much as the need to require clarification (“Bunny, you want me to do this once a year or … Yeah, I understand …”) or call colleagues to help them decipher “I wnt 2 pt yr flm n my dblbg. “

And do not forget about the opportunities provided by a more primitive technique. If you believe the photo on page 39, you can still provide yourself a lot of fun with the help of a good old car and a set of wedges. However, do not shy away from the spiritual aspects of sex. Esther Perel in her book “Mating in Captivity” gives a lot of reasonable advice on creating an intimate atmosphere and reviving a feeling of closeness with a loved one, but look for more specific recommendations in the “Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carrellas: she teaches to gently and carefully awaken your “chakras” “. Especially important is Muladhara, located between the anus and the genitals. If you find it, then I think everything is all right with the proximity. 

2. Get philosophical

Recognize that love is an exalted state of being that promises that “with you and thanks to you I will become what I strive to become.” According to Perel , a New York-based psychotherapist working with couples and families, if you think about it, then it may be easier for you to realize the essence of your relationship again. The author of The Whip Up book, on the other hand, professes the theory of dualistic relations between body and soul, although Descartes himself probably would have hardly reconciled statements like: “You may not be willing to have sex often, but your body I want to!” with practice.    

3. Take a fresh look at business.

You can either learn the Stripping Mustache, Crouched Tiger, or Pillar Postures recommended by the psychologist (and the lady who probably has extraordinarily strong hip joints) Dr. Pam Sparr in Sensational Sex, or buy the “Clamshell Book on Sex” by Rubess and Moerbeck.

4. Silence is Gold 

All authors unanimously assert that talking is good. Or, as stated in “Mating in Captivity”: “A frank and honest dialogue creates the necessary resources to satisfy the demands made on us by modern models of relationships in pairs.” But all authors also agree that too many conversations are harmful: firstly, because “the ability to express one’s feelings in words is not a feature that is appreciated in the formation of a man”, therefore men suffer from “chronic lack of emotional closeness, which needs to be constantly adjusted, ”and therefore their friends have the feeling that men do not value them; and secondly, because … well, who wants to be next to a person who has been chatting, chatting, chatting all day, damn him?    

Everyone praises the magical power of “meeting eyes,” but the “Urban Tantra” again takes a fundamental principle and brings it to such a state that it fits right into the Museum of Ideas on the Edge of Madness: the author calls to look only in that eye of your beloved / beloved, which is not dominant, for it is this eye – the gate of the soul. “You should not be afraid that you accidentally look into his soul without his permission or inadvertently let him into yours, ” the author generously adds. “ The gates remain tightly closed until you really want to open them.” This I understand – the top of safe sex!      

5. The main thing is to choose the right place. 

Go out of town – advise on the pages of the book “In a hurry” – and love each other to exhaustion in the sheds and stables, where everything breathes “Lady Chatterley’s Lover.” Of course, given the current state of the real estate market, you will not have time to do the job, as you will find that your stable was rebuilt into a residential complex of 18 apartments.  

Or move to Australia. It helped Barbara: “I started using some of my favorite tantra techniques to bring about the circulation of sexual energy between me and Sydney. And unexpectedly, a little bliss-orgasm rose up my spine, and a real clitoral orgasm followed. I was so amazed that I had to stop and lean against the wall. ” I advise novice tantrists to start small: for example, with a short walk through Faili and hard coughing.

6. Down with the children!

Get rid of them, advised in “Mating in Captivity.” Send them to a shelter or to a boarding school or just put them in a closet – the main thing is that they are not near you. “Happy parents are happy children, which means you should not reproach yourself for the fact that you often neglect them for the moments“ mom and dad should be alone, ”says Cox, arguing that the boring style does not interfere with lust, if you dilute it with a bunch of pictures, where ladies with pouty lips demonstrate beautiful underwear.    

7. Down with the ideology!

All that Western society assures you of is not true. Take the traditional norms: “the requirement that we rely only on ourselves, imposed by culture”, consumerism, “open and honest communication”, individualism, democracy, autonomy of the individual, equality – and throw them in the trash. All of them are poison for healthy sex, which, for reasons best known for the deep savage wilds of our consciousness, largely rests on secrecy, inequality of power and vulnerability. You don’t like it, I don’t like it, none of the authors of the books like it, but our bodies below the belt are delighted with this situation, so reconcile.  

8. Practicality, practicality and again practicality

Everyone insists that sex toys should be kept clean, nails cut, and expired condoms thrown away. But do not forget about other small tricks, for example: “To prevent the rope from breaking loose, dip its ends in glue or nail polish or wrap them with adhesive tape”, or “hide tubes with grease in hiding places (between the pillows of the sofa, in the glove compartment of the car, in office). Buy small “travel sachets” with grease and carry with you – you never know where the case will turn up! ”  

9. Role playing

Victory over constraint, additional excitement and relish! The “forbidden fruits” of make-believe (couriers, nuns, nannies, celebrities) can be no worse than in reality. However, all the authors somehow forget to mention the number one fantasy that owns the minds of all women – sultry savage sex with a man who can quietly close the door behind him or, raising the toilet seat, not every time he hits the tank with such force, as if he has personal scores with this seat. So let us doubt the validity of the whole canon. 

10. Consider the zodiac sign you were born

If, for example, your favorite role-playing game is to portray a couple of clinical morons, why not believe that you can restore your libido by having sex in accordance with your inborn needs, which, in turn, are due to your zodiac sign. You will need the book Sextrology: Astrology of Sex and Gender, as well as frontal lobotomy. Good luck!  

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